Potential Distractions & Antidotes

If you can’t quit “cold-turkey”, try using one of these to bring you down slowly. Yeah, I know, it ain’t the same, but I’m not God. And most of them are sorely lacking in their effectiveness. But don’t blame me. If you hadn’t been such a weak-minded, spineless jellyfish you wouldn’t be in this situation, now would you!

Perhaps one of our counselors might help you in your time of need. They are listed along with their specialties: feel free to try them all.

I NEED HELP! TAKE ME TO COUNSELING NOW!

You can always look up “lava” in the Wikipedia. Maybe you’ll learn something.

Or Beatrice19 has plenty of interesting articles to keep you occupied. And she’s easy on the eyes, too!

Also of interest is this article about Onanism. Maybe this dissertation will put you off the subject of practicing it yourself.

Some have found solace in the following chant that came from the irish contingent: say it over and over until you understand its’ true meaning:

WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED

WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED

WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED

Speaking of “hooked”, you can try replacing one addiction with another, in the hopes that the treatment for the second is easier than the treatment for the first. To that end, might we suggest tobacco? or alcohol?
Here’s a beauty that always takes my mind away. She will jump, play ball, rub ‘em, bounce, shake and squeeze.

Or even this amazing little clock is addicting as hell, and it will remind you of how much time you are wasting. Crank up the sound for the full effect...

 

LAVA STATUS:

L A S T  R E S O R T

If you tried to live with addiction to no avail, and none of these alternatives are proving to be effective, then you can always go find some lava and throw yourself in. I hear there is an active volcano in Hawaii. I know, it’s not the Lava you wanted to get into, but it’s the best I can do. And you can bet that it will solve your problem once and for all!
 

THE FINE PRINT: The use of any of the substances on this page are at the sole discretion of the reader. The authors of this web site have no responsibility for your actions. Obviously.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Check out these options!LavAddiction_Counselors_for_Quitting_1SweetPoison.html

Not everyone loves asians as much as we do. Go figure. Try one of these categories for other types of pleasure. One is sure to distract you: